Mom passed away a few weeks before Mother's Day. In 2009, I dreaded this holiday. I had so much anxiety. I didnt know how I would feel. I was scared for that day to come. It was hard. As jumbled as my emotions were, I have no idea how I made it through that year.
As the years have passed, its always been a day that makes me sad. How can I celebrate Mother's Day when my mother is no longer here? Its been 9 years...the last few years, how I view this day has changed A LOT!
Now I take Mother's Day to reflect on the memories I have. Im not as sad anymore. I use this day to celebrate other mothers. My friends who are amazing mothers. I also take this day to celebrate the reason why I am a mother. My 3 daughters. I give thanks to them for making me a mom. I reflect on the days they were born and the day I entered this wonderful group of women called "Moms".
Being a mother is the most important, hardest, most rewarding job in the world. Knowing you gave life to another person, whether its by giving birth or giving them a life through adopting....that you are responsible for this person forever. I never imagined myself having kids when I was a teenager. Now, I could not imagine my life without them. My children gave me a purpose in life. I may not have accomplished a lot but I raised 3 human beings. If that isnt a gift in itself, I dont know what it is. Its not all roses and at times, I just wanted to quit. But you see, that isnt an option. Even as adults, my job as their mom never stops. They still need guidance, support, direction, love that only I can give them.
I get down on myself A LOT. But I take one look at these 3 beautiful women and I know I did SOME thing right. These kids were my saving grace. There is no one else that I would literally die for. They gave me life, love and a reason to keep going at times when I wanted to just stop life. For that, I could not be more grateful.
This is the mindset I choose for Mother's Day. Of course I remember my mother, my grandmother and the important women in my life. Ive learned to be grateful I had them in my life. I let that gratitude keep me from feeling so sad. I learned to enjoy letting my children celebrate me. Its not fair to them if Im sad on the day they want to honor me for being their mom. They shouldnt feel like they have to make up for the fact that my mother is gone. So I try my best to put aside my negative and sad feelings and make it the best I can for them.
Being a "Motherless Daughter" is difficult but as the years passed, I can really appreciate what my mother truly meant to me. I know she is with me. I know she is probably judging me but she is also proud. I honor her in any way I can on any given day. From my girls wearing her pearls for Graduation. To Brandy wearing her bracelet for Prom. To just going through her things and crying for a few because she is missed so much. I can appreciate that my mother CHOSE me...she adopted me, she allowed me to make her a mother to me. The lessons Ive learned from her, the life knowledge she taught me can never fade. All I can do is pass this knowledge down to my children the best I can. She will never be forgotten, never fade from our memories and conversations. Just because I choose not to be sad on Mother's Day doesnt take anything away from her being so missed, by all of us. It only means that Ive come to the point of accepting what is and making the most of a tough situation.
Mother's Day...I celebrate ALL MOMS! I honor each and every one of you. We are a force to be reckoned with. NO ONE can do what we do. No one can understand what we go through except each other. I hope each of you are surrounded by love because you deserve that and more.
This year, I will be celebrating my daughter's 2nd wedding anniversary which is the day before Mother's Day. She is here attending school for 3 more weeks and her husband is back home at Ft Bliss. Being separated on their day is hard but as they know, its not the first and wont be the last. Army life is fabulous lol I will also be spending Sunday (and the rest of the week) preparing for my husband's homecoming from his 4th deployment as a civilian. Lots to keep me occupied and busy but I am determined to make it a day filled with smiles and love.
Up next...our Brandy graduates high school on June 1 and on June 2, Bailey graduates Dental Assistant School. Lots of exciting things happening for our family. Mother's Day is just a day...we should honor mothers...and fathers...and people, EVERY DAY!!!!!
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