The Little Things

GRATITUDE...its such a small word with a really broad spectrum. 

I'm having some internal struggles so what better way to get my mind right than to write about how grateful I am...for the smallest things to the biggest things. November is the perfect month to think about this and maybe it will get me out of this negative place.

Some may find it weird, but every single day, when I wake up and carry on with my day, I find myself grateful for the smallest things. Im grateful when I cook that I have every cooking utensil that I could ever need. I look at the fact that I have drawers of overflowing silverware and cabinets overflowing with glasses and cups. That may sound ridiculous but its true. I look in my pantry and I am grateful that it has food in it. I find myself with this feeling of gratitude with everything I see and touch in my daily life. I have everything I need plus some in a home that is mine. As I look around, Im thankful that I have something as ridiculous as too many slotted spoons. Crazy, right? When you think about it, its not really that insane.

15-20 years ago, I never imagined that I would be in a solid marriage, that my kids would be successful adults, that I would own a beautiful home filled with everything we could need or want. Never in my life would I have imagined that if I needed something, I could just go get it. Just like that. No, this isnt me boasting at all...this is me realizing how grateful I am for my life. The fact that I went from struggling to get diapers for my babies, never having a real home, wondering what food pantry I could go to each month to get free food to having the amazing things I have now. 

Some might say I dont deserve this because I never worked, that I depended on a man for everything. To those, I say GO FUCK YOURSELF! How fucking wrong you are. Im not going to go the "stay at home moms have the hardest job ever, etc" route. I will just say that just because I dont have an out of home job, that doesnt mean my life is lazy as fuck and I lie around on my couch eating twinkies all day. Taking care of a household is HUGE. ESPECIALLY with a husband/father who is deployed. Granted, its different now because my kids are adults but there are still challenges and things that I have to take care. Handling finances is HUGE. Ive been doing this the last 13 years. My husband never knows how much is in the bank, couldnt pay a bill if he had to. Thats MY JOB. I could go on and on and tell you about what my "jobs" really are but I wont. I will say that I am thankful that Im trusted enough to handle our entire life. My husband has that much faith in me that he doesnt question what I spend where or on what because he knows the necessities are taken care of. The kids have what they need, the dogs are spoiled and our bills get paid. I am SUPER grateful that my husband AND I made the decision TOGETHER years ago that I would stay home with the kids and be there for them every minute of every day as they grew up. When assholes want to throw in my face that I dont work, my response is "Nope. Because I dont fucking have to." Thats the truth and Im very grateful for this. My husband and I have a great life that he has provided for us. Like all marriages, its not all roses and holy shit do we have issues BUT...we make it work, the way we WANT because its OUR life.

Gratitude is important. Its important to remember, on a daily basis. The small circle of friends in my life are TOP on my list of things Im grateful for. Being accepted for the bitch you are is HUGE. For someone to accept you in all your glory or failures or shortcomings is rare. To truly understand a person and love them unconditionally is even more rare. I dont know what I would do without these SUPER WOMEN in my life. 

My daughters are RAD AS HELL. Yes, they have attitudes, they dont listen to me all the time but they are living their lives on their terms...and surviving. To me, that is everything. Im not a perfect mom but looking at them, I can be grateful that Ive raised them with morals, values and confidence. They are responsible thriving young women and they know they can have whatever they want in life if you work for it. Could not be prouder of them. Like their mom, they refuse to be disrespected, they stand up for what they believe in and have hearts of gold. What more could a mother ask for in her children?

In every day life, its easy to be negative. Its easy to think about things you dont have, why your life cant be the fairy tale inside your head. Having OH WOE IS ME, POOR ME pity moments are ok. As long as you snap out of it and see life for what it is and be grateful for what you DO have. Youre alive...number 1. Your health. A roof over your head and clothes on your back. Food in your fridge. Basic things. Let that gratitude turn your mind on to the big things. If you cant see the positives around you, you are making a decision to be unhappy and that is just not healthy. Just now, I looked to my left and saw a bottle of bleach. Yes, Im grateful for that bottle of bleach because some people dont have that! Its the LITTLE THINGS that can make you grateful for the big things. Be grateful that you have milk in your fridge. Be grateful that you have a shower to stay clean.  Even something as little being grateful that you have a toothbrush. There are people in this world, in this country that would do anything to have a margin of what you have so dont take anything for granted. Trust in God that while you may not have everything you want, you will have everything you need. BIG DIFFERENCE. Dont compare your life to others. Doing that will almost ALWAYS make you feel inadequate. Its not a competition. Its your life. Make it the way you want. Dont be that one upper. The one that has to have the best of everything just so you can show it off to make yourself feel superior. FUCK THAT BULLSHIT. Be human, have a heart and be kind. Thats more important than having the new iPhone X first, or getting the newest fashion trend, etc. No one gives a fuck what you have. They give a fuck about who you are. 

Im seeing my friend post the 30 Days Of Gratitude on FB...Here is a list of things I am grateful for. 

1. My family,  my husband and daughters, their significant others and my dogs.

2. My health. It could be better but I am alive and kicking

3. My tribe. My people that love me unconditionally.

4. The privileges that I am blessed with in life, whether its materialistic or otherwise

5. LESSONS LEARNED! If not for these lessons, I would be a bigger train wreck than I already am lol

6. The extended family that we have that actually give a damn about us and make the effort to show us.

7. Being a homeowner, finally. Living in Texas forever.

8. The undying love I receive from the people I love most in this world.

This list could go on forever but you get the gist. Take a moment out of your day and be grateful. It can fill holes in your heart, bring you back down to earth and can make you realize that life is really not as hard as you think it is. Find pleasure in little things. Simple things. You will be shocked at how much peace it can bring you.