My Brother...Or Is He?

My parents adopted 4 kids. We aren’t blood related but we grew up like we were. Raised where ethnicity never mattered. My parents are Caucasian, I’m Korean, my oldest brother is Caucasian and my other brother and only sister are Colombian. They are blood related. We were a typical middle class dysfunctional family. My parents divorced in 1979, I think. I was 8 and it was a year after my dad moved us from Delaware to Georgia. My younger brother and I are 2 mths apart in age. We had the same friends. Same grade. But that’s about it. We weren’t “close” growing up but we weren't distant either. We just did our own thing.

Let's fast forward to now. Without getting too much into it, when our mother passed away in 2009, my family pretty much went to shit. She was the foundation and all the family time we had to that point was for her. I have 3 children, my brother has 4. He has been married for 15 years. His children are 15, 14, 12 and 11. He is a successful chef and very well known in the culinary community in his city. He even opened up his own restaurant a few years ago with his wife. 

In the last year, I've spoken to him once...well twice if you count the voicemail he left me calling me every name in the book, that I saved. See, my brother may be successful in business but he fails as a human being. It came out that he was having an affair with a server at his restaurant. An affair that he denied until it was undeniable. This "woman" is half his age. He's 46 and she is 26. I was shocked to say the least but more so, I was pissed off because of my niece and nephews. While this came to light, another "incident" was "exposed" as well. 10 yrs ago, it turns out he had an affair that lasted 4 years with a server who worked with him. She had a child. A baby girl. One that NO ONE knew existed except him. His WIFE learned all of this in this last year. Well as of today, September 12, I have a brand new baby niece...with his now girlfriend. No, he's not divorced yet. So this makes 2 nieces that I have that I will never know. Nieces that, bcos of him, will never know the huge family he has. I dont NOT know who this person is and our mother would definitely be so disappointed in how he's turned out.

My brother has always been outspoken, chauvinistic..basically rude as hell. He is selfish and self righteous and doesnt take responsibility in anything. When I found out all of this, my heart hurt for my sister in law, who I am very close with and will always be close with but more so for my niece and nephews. I got petty and called this whore out of FB, before she was pregnant...thats when I got the nice voicemail from my brother. The terms "cunt", "white trash"...etc were used frequently. Im not even white but whatever. This VM was received on September 26 2016. Wow, almost exactly a year ago! Well the worst part is he left this disgusting VM in front of his 10 yr old (at the time) son. I havent spoken to him since. Obviously I talk to my sister in law and their kids. 

Basically, I have lost ALL respect I have ever had for him. I dont care to speak to him and I dont give a shit what happens to him. My mother would be disgusted by his actions. I struggle with this because after all, he is my brother. However, what I go back to is that he is doing to his family what our dad did to us. Not exactly but close enough. So if Im not speaking to my father, why would I make an exception for him? I wont. When all of this came out, my thoughts were this sucks, but he is my brother. Then I was shown a video where he got physically violent with his wife and that was IT for me. Coming from a prior abusive marriage, that is shit I DO NOT put up with. I dont give a damn who you are. So that put the nail in the coffin for me as far as my relationship with my brother. 

My sister is a year and a half younger than us. We have always been very close but this caused a rift that lasted 8 mths with us. We didnt speak at all. She is a peacemaker, she doesnt like confrontation and she is a people pleaser. this doesnt make her a bad person. Its just how she is. She has never really stood up to anyone like she's needed to. She is also stubborn as hell but a caretaker and looks out for everyone. I felt like she took sides. I couldnt understand how she could condone what he's done. After missing her, missing our relationship, I made amends and we worked it out. I realized our relationship does NOT revolve around our brother. Its about me and her. We can disagree and thats ok. I came to find out while she doesnt condone what he is doing and it makes her mad, she tries to be civil. She lives near him and her oldest son works for his uncle. So I understand that completely...now. She listens when I rant and she doesnt judge me. Thats all that matters. My hatred for our brother has nothing to do with her. I am very relieved and happy that her and I are back to normal.

I am really struggling with whether or not I actually HATE my brother. I hate his actions, I hate how he has torn his family apart and I hate how he thinks. I will NEVER accept his girlfriend. Its sad to say, I will never accept his new child..or the one that no one knew about until recently. I know its not their fault that they were born to a piece of shit father but they are part of a life that I want nothing to do with. Do I support his other children? OF COURSE! I support anything they do and that includes accepting their dad's new girlfriend and their new sister. Personally, for me, I just cant. If I met him randomly, he is NOT someone I would want to associate with nor be friends with. He is just a shitty human being. My aunt and my sister and my mother's cousin talk to him, have interactions with him. That is totally fine. This is just ONE reason I live all the way in Texas. He is also one of the reasons I have NO desire to go back to Georgia. Thank God my sister is coming here in June.

It bothers me that he is ok being a shitty father, a shitty husband, a shitty brother and even worse, he was a shitty son. Before Mom passed, he drove by her house EVERY DAY on his way to and from work...he never stopped by to see how she was. He never went over to help her with anything. Its just pathetic. At this time, I lived 4 hours away and I saw her more than he did. Some family members put him on a pedestal because of his career...His actions have now knocked him off, finally. Like my sister, my Aunt will be cordial but they dont approve or condone this. He is 46, he is set in his ways and obviously has some massive issues. Thats on him. In my opinion...FUCK HIM! 

I honestly dont plan on speaking to him again. If we have to see each other for some reason, it will be a hi and thats it. I cant be around nor have people in my life that live like that. Yes, everyone makes mistakes but when you cant own up to them and you see nothing wrong with your fucked up actions, thats where it ends for me. When you dont give a fuck about other people's feelings and how much you hurt them, that shows that youre an asshole who has no sense of empathy for people. 

Dont get me wrong, my heart hurts over this. Im sad and angry over this. I HATE when there is turmoil, especially within my family. But so be it. This is what its become. This time, we have no foundation. All I can do is move on with my life here in Texas and worry about me and mine.

So here I sit..in my world. Where I have few family members that I include in that. But...that is all I need. Ive turned close friends into family. I surround myself with positive people who have good hearts. Good character is HUGE for me. If you have bad character, no honor and no humility...STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. What he does with his life...I no longer care. Karma will kick his ass sooner or later. I can only hope that some of our mutual friends read this. I get so many messages on Facebook asking about him and its the same story...He's a piece of shit and we dont talk. Well, THIS is why....

UPDATED: OCTOBER 6

Here are my 2 "nieces" that I will never meet..its just sad but he chose to be a selfish, shitty person...

Meet Reagan and Eva..

Reagan and her mother

Eva and her maternal grandmother (who told me last year "my daughter would NEVER sleep with a married man...they are simply friends" Yea, that baby on your lap surely confirms that, smh

Some may not agree with how I feel, but thats ok. I cant fathom being ok with anyone, especially my brother, having 2 illegitimate children WHILE he was married to his wife. He STILL legally married. My mother may have 2 more "grand daughters" posthumously, but to me, she will ONLY and ALWAYS have 10 grand kids, not 12. Call me a bitch, call me ridiculous, its totally fine. Im sure if family members read this, it will piss them off. Im sorry and its not my intention. When I think of this situation, of him, of my family and how its turned out, I get disgusted.

So PLEASE, no more messages asking how my brother is. He is dead to me.

For the record, his restaurant that he co-owns with his wife has no bearing on this lack of relationship. I STILL highly recommend it..my sister in law basically runs it now so please dont let my personal feelings affect the good food that is served there.