MY TRIBE

Friendships come in ALL different ways. You have people you know, acquaintances, friends, close friends, BFFs, BFFL and THE Bestie (yes, these are all different lol) In my old age, Ive had a lot of reality checks about these types of relationships in my life. A lot of lessons learned, a lot of knowledge that I try to pass on to my daughters. No thanks to social media and this world that revolves around technology, friendships are much easy to begin and grow....or fade out and end. 

As a teenager, I was a social butterfly. I didnt have a true BFF or Bestie. I was everyone's friend or acquaintance...of course I was, I was at parties every weekend! I just went the flow and didnt invest too much of me into any one person. I had people that I hung out with regularly but no one that I had this lifetime, special bond with. With social media, of course Ive connected with 100s of friends from high school and Im all cool with them. I respect them, communicate with them and its awesome to connect after all these years and Im thankful for that. 

Lets fast forward to the last 15 yrs of my life. As a new Army girlfriend then wife..with social media making a HUGE impression on life as we know it... I put myself out there to meet new people. People that could relate and teach me about this new way of life. As you will read, my life has been forever impacted by the people Ive met, the friends Ive lost and the lessons I learned.

My first few years in this Army life, I met a BUNCH of ladies from a Fort Stewart Facebook group. We all decided to meet for lunch one day. I kid you not, there were probably about 15 women there, or more. For me, it was awkward. I wasnt one to go out and meet up with a bunch of strangers but I knew it would be good for me so I went. we all met and got along and I scoped out who I thought I would click with. This group of ladies had more get togethers. Some involved our families and some didnt but it was fun! It was nice sharing laughs and sharing our similar lives together. As time went on, the ladies found out who they could relate to and who they couldnt but there was no bad blood. We all got along. Then of course, drama ensued. As it usually does with women. Different bullshit went on and there were she said she said moments, arguing, just stupid drama. This was 2006 and as of today, I still talk to maybe a handful of these girls. I would consider these women good friends, lifelong friends and some acquaintances. Some I cant stand and dont waste my time on whatsoever, Ive kicked those people to the curb. I dont have the time or energy for bullshit friendships or fake ass people. If you cant add anything worthwhile to my life, I dont need you in it. Honestly, the reason I probably still communicate with a majority of the ones I do is because of Facebook. Facebook has made friendships SO LAZY! Im guilty of it too. You keep up with everyone's lives reading their FB status or posts but you never actually text or talk on the phone. Its not a bad thing and Im grateful for a platform like FB for that reason, alone.

In 2007, I was adjusting to this Army Wife Life pretty good. Learning the dos and donts and everything in between. In 2007, the ENTIRE 3rd Infantry Division deployed. What did that mean? An entire Army town filled with bored Army wives lol Through friends, I met an ENTIRE different group of ladies. It was amazing! We had kids the same age, we had A LOT in common with each other, they were around my age and we werent about the she said she said bullshit,or so I thought at the time lol. It was refreshing. During this time, we had so many great times! Dinners out, themed parties, lunches, school programs, play dates, birthday parties, holiday celebrations, pool days...so much fun! Our kids went to school together..it was amazing. This group of ladies were my thing. Some were closer than others, but we all got along wonderfully. When the guys came home from a 14 mth deployment, it was even better! Families getting together for festivals, LOTS of dinners out..hanging out in the parking lot socializing, kids playing for what seemed like hours. Us women ALWAYS had what we called "photo shoots" where ever we went. I LOVED these families with all of my heart. Eventually, we all broke into "groups" I guess you could say...I found MY people and stuck with them. When the guys got back, PCS orders were handed out and we were all about to separated. PCSing is part of this life. It happens but you find out then, that no matter the distance, TRUE FRIENDSHIPS stand the test of distance and time. Some people fell out, some didnt and the ones that didnt, I can say to this day...they are like true family. Spats and drama will happen but these special ones, nothing can tear you apart. Because the bond you share could never be broken.

We all went our separate ways. However, my family was SO fortunate to get stationed at the same place our BESTIES were! We were SO excited. While Ft Polk is the armpit of the Army, we KNEW we could make it with them by being with us. We also had some very close friends that got orders there so we werent too disappointed because we had our Fort Stewart family at Ft Puke with us. Ohhh the glorious feeling I got when the housing we got was the next street over from our Besties! Seriously, this made life worthwhile while living in HELL. As I lived there, as the kids met other kids, more people were added to my life. My kids' friends' parents, etc. I was the hostess with the mostest there. I had parties all the time. People over constantly. Birthday parties were HUGE! I went all out. Of course I still kept in contact with the few people I was at Stewart with because those are the ones that matter to me. They were stationed elsewhere but our bonds never faltered. Not only did I have my BESTIE FOR THE RESTIE at Polk with me, I met my BFFL. I met her through my kid and we clicked instantly!

#SOULSISTERS

I think it was around 2010, maybe 2011..my BESTIE and I had a falling out. It was stupid and the cause is seriously a blur. It had to do with our young kids at the time but I dont dwell on it because that had to be one of the most devastating events in my life. Literally. She came to my house and we had a confrontation in my front yard and our 7 kids saw and heard it all. I remember choking back tears and I kneeled down to give her 3 yr old a birthday gift I had gotten her. I told her that I loved her and to be a good girl with my voice cracking. I just remember going back in my house crying. My heart was broken and I had NO idea how it got this point. Shortly after this, they got orders back to Fort Stewart. I also somehow found out she was pregnant with her 5th daughter. When I found out, I was crushed. I couldnt share this joy with her. I couldnt celebrate another beautiful baby girl with her and her family. After she left, I was withdrawn some and I stuck to the few friends I trusted and was ok with but I was crushed. My BFFL hung out every other day. We shared the rest of our time at Polk together. We became sisters. Then THEY got orders to PCS. They were headed to Fort Hood. When she left, I was done. Like REALLY done. I isolated myself and just didnt care about much from that point. I had friends but it wasnt the same as having my BESTIE and my BFFL in my life daily. 

Glory be to God, in 2012, we got orders to finally leave that shithole Ft Puke. Sean called branch and they had a slot opened at Fort Hood. We were ECSTATIC! My BFFL was there! OMG! So she found us a house off post and she herself, ended up buying a house in the town we were moving to. Life is good again. We did EVERYTHING together. She was my go to and my rock. Then in 2015, they got orders for Alaska. Once again, my world went to shit. One of the hardest goodbyes EVER! She still owns a house here so I tell her every time I talk to her how she NEEDS to come back to Texas. I cherish our friendship and I know that no matter, we will never fade.

My BFFL

As the years passed, I missed my BESTIE more than you could imagine. Losing her affected me in so many ways. Since that happened, I always felt like something was missing from my life. I never felt complete again and I closed myself off from people more than ever. At Fort Hood, I had NO desire to put myself out there and meet new people. Yes, I had to but I couldnt bring myself to fully invest into any relationships. I had my BFFL and that was enough for me..until she left. Through these years, since our falling out, I talked to a mutual friend that we had. She is also my BESTIE, total sisters. (I'll refer to her as CG and my Bestie that I had a falling with as MB.) So every time CG and I talked, MB got brought up because I was just SO DOWN and missed her so much. I kind of knew what was going on in her life because like any "normal" person, I would look at her family's social media. But I never had the guts to reach out. CG knew how I felt, she knew the bond MB and I had and she was there to talk me through it. Like literally, my heart ached. She empathized with me and through it all, I felt loved and secure in OUR friendship. I knew she was my SOUL SISTER for life. We've been there for each other through some major times and to this day, we may not talk alot but the love never dwindles and if we need each other, we are there. Period. Thats the kind of person CG is. Love her with my whole heart.

BESTIES FOR THE RESTIE

I didnt know if MB ever thought about me or even missed me. I figured I just didnt exist to her or her family. Until 2016...she liked a pic of mine on Instagram. I immediately panicked. It had been SO many years that had gone by. I called CG and freaked. Did she mean to do that?! Was this an olive branch?! This HAD to be a mistake!! Like WHAT?! I literally felt like our friendship was dead to her and she moved on not looking back. I was hurting for years but she never knew that. So after I got my pulse back..I decided to put my pride aside and reach out to her. I emailed her a long email telling her that I wasnt sure if it was a mistake but I was pleasantly surprised. I apologized for any part I had in our falling out, I told her how often I thought of her and I missed her and her family. She had the baby and it killed me that I missed out on that and missed out on all of her kids' lives...who I loved and love like my own. I told her that Ive felt a void in my life and that void was her. Thankfully, she responded. I was scared to open it because I was expecting a polite "fuck off forever" kind of thing lol I think I was in tears the 2nd line down. She told me she was so glad I reached out, shes missed me and my family, how we were ALWAYS family, etc. We agreed that our falling out was ridiculously about our kids..who were barely teens at the time...now they are ADULTS! Graduated and mine is married! I dont think my heart couldve filled up anymore than it did as I read that email. It was OVERFLOWING, as was my face with tears. We replied back and forth for a bit. I immediately called my husband and my girls and CG and told them that MB and I were good! The best part about that is that my family AND CG knew how much I had missed her and our friendship and were elated for us. The friendship between our kids had faded and I sensed a feeling of relief from my girls. See, MB and I have 8 daughters between us. 7 back then. They are so alike as they are all just like their moms in that families stick together no matter what. Sadly, our kids felt like they couldnt continue friendships if their moms couldnt. Heartbreaking to know I put my girls through that. 

So MB and I added each other on social media. Shit, both of our families added everyone back on social media. It was SO FUCKING AMAZING! The 7 B's were back along with a new, spunky little H! i swear to God, we literally picked up like no time had gone by. It was YEARS but it felt like yesterday we were having a dinner party together. They are now in Oklahoma, only 5 hours away! We caught up on each other's lives and how much our babies have grown. The youngest B was barely walking when I saw her last...she has grown into this BEAUTIFUL little girl who is just the SWEETEST princess ever. All of our girls have grown but it feels like we never missed a beat. Her 3 youngest barely remember me (H has never met me) but today, they love me like Ive been there their entire lives. WE ARE BESTIES FOR THE RESTIE. WE ARE FAMILY. WE WILL NEVER LET OUR FRIENDSHIP OR LOVE FADE EVER AGAIN! Her life is so hectic as you can imagine with 5 daughters and a husband while mine is way less hectic with only one kid left at home..but this last year+ has been the BEST EVER! We have been there for each other through everything. We share things that only we can share with each other. The relationship we have with each other's babies hasnt faltered.We truly love each other's kids like our own. I just have to drive my lazy ass up to Okla so we can flood her house with all the tears that will be shed at our reunion. 

2 weeks after she had a baby..HOT AS FUCK!

MB and CG are truly MY TRIBE. We lift each other up. We are there at the drop of a dime if any of us needs an ear. We encourage each other to be the BEST BADASS PERSON we can be. We feed off each other's positivity and we tell the negativity to FUCK OFF. We can be 15000% honest about any and everything. When one of us is feeling shitty or in a negative place, the others bring out the best and see the positive. We share our ups and downs and everything in between. We can go years without seeing each other, we have! We can go months without talking on the phone and NOTHING changes. Our group texts make my heart full. The things we share are unreachable to most people. The PURE LOVE we have for each other is insurmountable. Since these 2 have been in my life, its FULL. The void I once had for so many years is overflowing with love for these women. No matter what or when or where, we are down like no others. EVERYONE NEEDS A BESTIE like we have. How can you live a full, grateful, amazing life without one?! Im grateful, blessed and knowing I always have these 2 in my corner makes me the happiest! When I feel alone and like I have no one, I KNOW I have these girls. Its all I really need. So that saying 

"Sometimes your circle decreases in size but increases in value"

could not be more true. 

Ive learned alot about friendships since Ive gotten older. You dont need a shit ton of friends. You dont need to have 20 women who are you BFFs. You need a few that you know will be there and who get you. You need a few #SoulSisters. You cant surround yourself with negativity. You cant constantly let the joy be sucked out of you by other people. I need strong, confident, assertive women around me. Because that's how I strive to be. I need women that help me grow and that I help grow. I need women that get me. Make progress in your life, make good choices and decisions. Dont sit on your pity pot for any amount of time. Be around who you want to be. Be with those that support you and will grow with you. Be with women who empower you and bring out your absolute best. Women who share your highs and lows with the same emotion you do. 

So go out and find your tribe. Make sure they are worth your time, your emotion and your heart. When you have a tribe, you are never alone and you will always have ones that have your back...FOREVER.

MY TRIBE

Parking Lot Photo Shoots (Baby Bean in MB's tummy)