Quick background...I am 46, my husband is deployed as a civilian contractor. He has been home for 70 days since October 2015. My daughters are 17, 20 and 22...2 of which are living hours and hours away.
I get asked ALL THE TIME "How do you do it?" How do I survive with my other half across the world. Well, I JUST DO. I have been with my husband for almost 13 yrs, married for 11. I lived the "Army" life for 10 yrs. I suppose you could say that I'm used to this. I'd rather not but honestly, it's the truth. I met my husband a month before he deployed to Iraq for 12 months. We decided to make a go of this to see if we could make it through something so trying. I'm happy to say that we are obviously making it, but not without a lot of bumps in the road. But the end result is what counts, right? I guess you could say that this is the life I'm used to. It's the life that our relationship has been molded by. While it has it's trying times, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
He got out of the Army in February of 2015. Thankfully, he was hired for an overseas contracting job that he applied for and really wanted badly. Being a Soldier, he missed being "over there". Not to mention, the pay was outstanding. I understood and trust me, by the time he finally deployed with this new job, I was ready to have him gone. He had been home EVERY DAY, ALL DAY for 8 months.
The first deployment was fine. He was gone 7 mths. It actually brought us back together. Realizations hit both of us and we were in a place in our marriage that we needed to be. We are fortunate enough that we get to FaceTime every night so that definitely made it easier. When he came home for his 35 day leave, it was insane. Our middle daughter got married 3 days after (that's another blog for another time. Her now-husband was joining the Army) he came home. It was one thing after another and it was go go go. Before we knew it, it was time for him to go back.
Second deployment was 7 mths, as well. That was a little easier. We knew how it went and just went on with our life. I was excited because he was able to be home for his birthday. This leave was sad because we unexpectedly had to put one of our dogs down. It shattered Sean because he is IN LOVE with our dogs. It affected him horribly. But we made it through that. Then it was time for him to go back....again. This time, I didn't want him to go but this is the life WE CHOSE so we had no choice.
Here I am today...he has been gone since February. We are hoping to have him home in December. The first Christmas he will be home for in 3 years. At this time, we just don't know yet.
Ive had so much time to reflect and think about my life and where it's been and where it's going but I literally draw a blank. Its different now. I don't have small kids to keep me occupied while he's gone. I don't have a huge group of friends to keep me busy (this is my choice, learned alot through the years regarding friends). My youngest is 17, a Senior in high school and works all the time. It's literally my 2 dogs and myself in this huge house that I actually purchased and moved into since he's been gone. He hasn't even seen it except for FaceTime. I am home ALL the time except to go run normal errands. I choose not to hang out with people I know for many reasons. I don't like drama. I am tired of being a 3rd and 5th wheel and I just find that if I'm alone, in my bubble, I won't have to deal with anything or anyone. My girls may be grown but their lives are still a huge part of mine on a daily basis. Its just different though. I'd almost say its a mild depression. After all this time, I'm ready to have my companion home, my other half. He is ready too. However, WE CHOSE this and these are some sacrifices we've made so our family can live the way we want to.
It's been 7 mths and I can tell you that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I have moments of frustration...moments of "FUCK THIS SHIT"...moments of "I HATE MY LIFE". I tell everyone I talk to that "I literally have no life". Yes, that is my choice.
So...THIS is how I deal.....
I suck it the fuck up and I move on. I suppose you can say I learned this from being an Army wife. I let myself have these moments and then it's done. I know I can handle this. I know that whatever I do or dont do is a choice that I make. Missing him is normal, missing living like a normal married couple is normal. Nothing I am feeling will change this situation so to me, it's pointless to sit here and dwell in my self pity and sadness....and anger. That's the way I roll. I dont sit in my shit and I dont allow my girls or people I love to do this either. Yes, feel emotions. Then SUCK IT THE FUCK UP and move on. Find resolutions. Find ways to make things the way YOU want. Life isnt always what you want but you must make the most of what youre given. Totally cliche' but its the truth. I know this deployment life wont last forever. I know I have forever to go with my husband. So I sit back and reflect on our life together and its pretty fucking amazing. This distance sucks but it has made us appreciate each other 10000 times more than we ever have. He is still a daily part of the girls lives. He is still a daily part of OUR WORLD even from across the globe. THIS IS OUR LIFE. It may not all be roses, but Ive learned to appreciate each small part for what it is. It takes a strong person to do this, alone...but that is who I am. I handle shit. I take care of everything and everyone around me. Its who I am and I wouldnt want it any other way. If you are struggling, you CAN do this. Its a state of mind. You have to train your mind and your heart to believe that you can get through the hard times.
If I know you, none of this is a surprise. If I dont, this is just an introductory post somewhat. Dont worry, it gets more and more interesting lol I have nothing but time on my hands and trust me, I have LOTS to say. Thanks for reading and hopefully, it wasnt too boring ;)
Until next time....
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