Fort Stewart, GA..we were 11 months into our 14 mth deployment. The guys left October 25, 2007 for Iskandariyah, Iraq. Operation Iraqi Freedom V. I was out running errrands when I got a phone call from my 11 yr old daughter.
"Mom, did you talk to Domina?"
"No, why?"
"He just messaged you on Yahoo, Smoke died"
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| Dom and Smoke..Brothers For Life |
Dom was Smoke's best friend and was deployed to Afghanistan with another division at this time.
I froze immediately and was in total shock. My reflex brought me to my bestie's house, who's husband was also deployed with mine. I sat in my car, tear rolling down my face and made a phone call to our company commander's wife.
"Is it true about Dawson?"
"We're about to put something out"
"Oh my God!"
I got out of my car and knocked on the door. She immediately saw the distraught look on my face. I sat down and looked at her "Smoke died". She was in shock. In hindsight, I shouldnt have told her like that. Her young daughter, who I love like my own, was sitting next to her. I was in such shock that I didnt realize at the time that I should NOT have said that in front of that precious girl. The reason being that her Daddy was over there and of course, she was worried now and scared to death for her Daddy. Boo, Im so sorry for doing that to you!
The next part was a blur. I went home and messaged Domina on messenger. He was told by a Soldier in our unit over messenger what had happened. The way that went down is totally fucked up because OPSEC was an important factor in this and the guys were supposed to be on "River City" at the time which means all communications are blacked out. My thoughts immediately went to the families of Smoke and Sgt Durbin, who was killed in this same incident. Then I thought about our guys..the Soldiers that were over there and the guys who knew Smoke that had gotten out of the Army. I started rallying these guys together to let them know what happened. These guys are like my brothers. I kept them in the loop about every detail I found out.
As it turned out, Smoke and Sgt Durbin were shot, multiple times by a FELLOW 3-7 INF Soldier on their patrol base. He was reprimanded and lost his fucking mind. That fact was the hardest to process.
When they lifted the comms blackout, I was finally able to talk to my husband. He and Smoke were very close. They were roommates when Smoke joined the Army and then roommates again for the beginning of this deployment. Sean was Smoke's Team Leader as they deployed. I LOVED Smoke so much! This dude could keep you laughing and he always had this shit eating grin on his face. He was the funniest, most chill dude ever! My husband sounded so blank. I dont think he even knew what to think of this. This was the 2nd battle buddy of his that he lost in Iraq. The first was in 2005. I had to make sure he was ok. I hid my grief because at that time, it didnt matter. My main concern was my husband and the guys over there. It shook our Cottonbalers to the core!
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| That shit eating grin that we all loved so much! |
Deployment Day October 25, 2007
We go up to the company for the "hurry up and wait" until they march to the white buses to go to the airfield to leave. It was quite the emotional day for everyone. My brother in law and his family surprised my husband by driving down from Maine to see him off so they were there too. My best friend was there, as well..to support my girls and I because she knows how this goes and knows we would be crushed after they left.
Everyone is sitting around, waiting and waiting..trying to soak in the last moments we all had with our Soldier before they were off for a 15 mth deployment. My husband was in HHC at the time and while I knew everyone, there were 2 Soldiers that deployed with Sean in 2004....Smoke and another guy (he was a shitbag). During this waiting period, we found out that Smoke and Sean would be roommates in Iraq. My first reaction was "HELL NOOOO (jokingly)". Smoke was a great man but we had a standing joke because I knew of his time when he was living in the barracks with my husband and he was a "Ladies Man" lol My nickname for him was "Manwhore" It wasnt mean, it was in an absolute joking manner and we all knew that. So you can imagine what my feelings were when I found out they were roommates. I knew I didnt have to worry but it was comical at the time. I gave him total shit for it and we laughed like hell about it.
I remember calling him over to me that day.
"Take care of Sean and make sure he comes home to me. You are the ONLY one I fully know and trust that was with him before."
"Ahhh dont worry, I got you. Dont sweat it"
He had the huge grin on his face and I knew he would have my husband's back over there. That was our last hug.
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| October 25, 2007 Deployment Day |
The Last Time I Saw His Face
During this deployment, we had video teleconferences at the battalion office where we had time slots that we could see our Soldiers on a huge TV screen. Facetime and video chats werent huge because their internet connection sucked most of the time. I went to battalion for our scheduled time slot. It just so happened, Smoke's girlfriend (at the time) was there finishing up their video teleconference with their newborn baby girl, Sariah. Of course I went in to see the baby and there was that shit eating grin on a huge ass TV screen. I was like WHATS UPPPPPP!! I was happy to see him! We said our hellos for a few and then he said he was going to get Sean for me. I told him I loved him and to be safe. That was it. That was the last time I saw his face, the last time I heard his voice.
Warrior's Walk Tree Dedication Oct 16, 2008
At Fort Stewart, they have Warrior's Walk. A walkway where a tree is planted for each Soldier from 3rd Infantry Division lost in Iraqi Freedom and from then on. They have a ceremony once a month for the Soldiers that were KIA the previous month. I had arranged for 3 of Smoke's battle buddies who were already out to come to this. One of my besties came with me for support. Watching Smoke's 4 young children that day broke my heart. They were so young, Im sure they didnt even realize what was happening. Smoke's family, his friends...Sgt Durbins family and friends. Supporters...it was so surreal. I never imagined I would actually attend one of these ceremonies. But I had to. Not only because I loved Smoke, but because I had to represent all of our guys that were still deployed, continuing to fight this fight..regardless of the brothers they just lost. It was a somber day. But our Army family was there to hold us up. Military families are strong, resilient and so brave. We weather any storm that we are faced with...together.
A few months later, I got a hold of the video of the Memorial Service that the guys had in Iraq. Talk about heartwrenching...totally devastated. Hearing the "last call", watching these brave, strong men break down in tears for their brother. It really puts a lot in perspective. Makes you think about how these Soldiers HAVE to keep going. They cant sit around and grieve like they want. They cant hole up and just be sad. They were still at war and they had a job to do, no matter what.
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| From the Memorial service held in Iraq |
Each year on this day, we celebrate the lives of these heroes. We think about the way they contributed to our lives. How they gave the ultimate sacrifice. While the situation was dreadful, they were proud to serve their country and did so with no questions asked.
Smoke, my kids were so young but they know you and know the impact you had on our lives. Your 4 children are absolutely amazing and definitely your mini mes. You are thought of every day, loved every minute and missed every second.
SSG Darris Dawson
SGT Wesley Durbin
Continue to Rest In Peace knowing your sacrifice will NEVER BE FORGOTTEN
Thankfully, the piece of dogshit that did this was finally found guilty and was sentenced to life in prison with no parole. Obviously, we all wished he wouldve gotten the death penalty but this way, he can live out his life suffering with the guilt and anguish behind bars. While the verdict wasnt what a lot of us wanted, the families of our fallen can now have some closure of some sort. Keeping them in my constant prayers and knowing that they will all know what true heroes their fathers were.
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